


Loki's Guide to the Nine Worlds

by khilari, Persephone_Kore



Category: Norse Mythology
Genre: Gen, Humour, travel guide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-17
Updated: 2011-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khilari/pseuds/khilari, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persephone_Kore/pseuds/Persephone_Kore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki gives some advice to would be travellers. Which is based on extensive experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki's Guide to the Nine Worlds

**Jotunheim**

 _Food_

The important thing to remember about hunting in Jotunheim is that a lot of Jotuns are shapeshifters*, and, of the ones that aren’t, not all are anthropomorphic. Rabbits are pretty safe to hunt, along with other small prey animals, since most Jotuns that want to be that size will choose an equivalent sized predator. And no Jotuns are born as rabbits, nor would their family be very likely to admit it in order to avenge them if they were.

On a related note some Jotuns will take the form of insects, but if they go buzzing around campfires they probably expect to get swatted. Just be wary of any trying to pick a fight.

If you want to be extra careful you can trap your prey, by magic or more mundane means, and ask it to talk before killing it. Shapeshifters and animal-shaped Jotuns can both talk perfectly well. As a bonus if they do turn out to be a Jotun they will probably do as you ask if you let them go. If it turns out to be me, then please remember who gave you all this good advice and be appropriately grateful.

*This is also a problem in Svartalfheim, for slightly different reasons.

 _Weather_

Cold. Ranges from so cold nothing can grow to normal midwinter temperatures. Bring lots of blankets and don’t cross into Jotunheim by wading unless you want your trousers to freeze solid. Unless you’re Thor, who apparently doesn’t care if his trousers are frozen solid.

 _Accommodation_

If you don’t feel like camping, and I can’t say I recommend it especially if you’re not used to the temperature, then you’ll probably want to stay at someone’s hall. This is something you should be careful about as some Jotuns obey the laws of hospitality and some don’t.

If you happen to be near Grid’s home then she’s a good one to try, Jarnsaxa likewise. In fact any giantess known to be sleeping with one of the Aesir is likely to be safe to visit, since that’s how the Aesir usually get to know them. In case you were wondering, that doesn’t include Angrboda. She probably won’t hurt you, but the wolves don’t like visitors. Utgard-Loki will show you hospitality but mock you mercilessly, although the food is good. Try to avoid any Jotuns you haven’t been given some reason to trust.

 **Niflheim**

 _Food_

There isn’t any.

 _Weather_

Colder than Jotunheim.

 _Accommodation_

Caves housing the primal frost giants. Halls built of snakes (which only works because they’re frozen solid) housing the dishonourable dead. Unless you are a primal frost giant you really don’t want to go to Niflheim at all. If you’re one of the dishonourable dead then it doesn’t matter whether you want to go there, but at least accommodations will be provided.

 **Muspellheim**

 _Food_

It’s too hot for most animals in Muspellheim. The Jotuns there don’t need to eat. They do keep dragons but they eat the flesh for magical purposes so don’t assume you’re going to get a slice. If you take your own food you can cook it by holding it against the nearest rock.

There is mead, which is very good, but don’t get near the beehives. The bees won’t even bother to sting you, they’re about the temperature of hot coals and will simply sit on you.

 _Weather_

Hot. Somewhere between hottest day of summer and just stepped into a bonfire. It helps if you have either a fire-aligned nature or enough magic to keep yourself cool. Otherwise don’t stay there long, wear thick shoes and avoid touching any surfaces.

 _Accommodation_

It’s best to have an invitation if you go there, since they aren’t the friendliest of Jotuns. If you do have an invitation they’ll set up a room for you that at least isn’t on fire.

 **Svartalfheim**

 _Food_

Hunting here isn’t as risky as Jotunheim but there’s still the chance that an animal will actually be a dwarf magically transformed. There’s a slightly higher risk of them being prey animals, since they usually take a shape to hide rather than hunt, but overall the number of dwarves going around shaped like animals is less than the number of Jotuns.

If you want to be sure then the safeguard of making them talk still works. And if you do capture a dwarf you can demand his gold. Just watch out for curses.

Food actually served to you by dwarves will be overcooked.

 _Weather_

Cold to temperate. That’s normal winter cold, not Jotunheim cold. Fairly similar to Midgardian mountain regions.

 _Accommodation_

Accommodations are going to be underground since dwarves have a serious problem with sunlight. If you want to stay on the surface you’ll have to camp.

Staying with dwarves normally means paying for lodgings, although women and shapeshifters don’t necessarily have to pay with money. The ceilings will be low, and the halls tend to be very hot, but dwarf halls are a safe place to stay in general. Although it’s best to be careful about gambling.

 **Midgard**

 _Food_

One of the best places to hunt since it has plenty of animals and very few shapeshifters. The cooking varies.

 _Weather_

Variable. Somewhat dependant on how many Jotuns have been invading lately and whether Thor’s killed them yet. If you are a Jotun, especially frost-aligned, and feel like visiting then try to keep your magic toned down. Hunting is going to be a lot better for everyone else if the animals haven’t all died in a sudden cold snap. Also, Thor won’t kill you.

 _Accommodation_

Mortals have their ups and downs but they do tend to be good about hospitality, if only because Odin goes around in disguise often enough to keep them worried. This won’t apply if you turn up looking like a troll or a Jotun, so if you are a troll or a Jotun either shapeshift or use a glamour. And don’t eat everything in the hall because that really gives the game away.

 **Asgard**

 _Food_

You won’t be able to hunt here but there’s plenty of food and hospitality is taken seriously.

 _Weather_

Temperate. If Thor’s in a bad mood then expect thunderstorms.

 _Accommodation_

You won’t have been able to enter without an invitation, so whoever invited you should give you a room. If you have managed to sneak in without an invitation a bed for the night really isn’t worth giving yourself away. Stick to the fringes and set up a very discreet camp.

 **Asgard subsection: Valhalla**

 _Food_

Pork and mead. Always the same type of mead, which is milked from the goat Heidrun. And very definitely the same type of pork since it comes from the exact same pig every night. I find it rather dull, but the mortal warriors seem to like it.

 _Weather_

Temperate.

 _Accommodation_

A large hall thatched with shields. If you’re in Valhalla you’re probably a dead warrior and accommodations will be provided. Although the odd valkyrie has been known to sneak her lover in on occasion and if that describes your situation I suggest you ask _her_ where you’re sleeping.

Battles happen daily which you should avoid if you are a live visitor since, unlike the regular participants, you won’t come back to life at sunset.

 **Vanaheim**

 _Food_

Definitely Vanaheim’s best feature. All the Vanir are fertility gods so expect really good vegetables, and well fed animals makes for good meat too. They like pigs, but not always the same one.

 _Weather_

Temperate all year long.

 _Accommodation_

If you go to Vanaheim then the Vanir saw you coming. If they haven’t prepared a place for you to stay then you’re not welcome.

 **Alfheim**

 _Food_

The food in Alfheim is delicious* but I wouldn’t advise visitors to try it since it can leave you forever unsatisfied with mortal food, or even divine.

*If you’re wondering how I know considering the following warning then consider why I might at times be addressed as “elf”. Or why my mother’s name is more accepted in Asgard than my father’s.

 _Weather_

Summer. Always.

 _Accommodation_

Elves can walk through walls so not all their houses have doors, which can be a problem for visitors. Frey and Gerd will, if they are present, find you a room in their hall and also prevent elvish mischief. The ljossalfar won’t generally harm guests but they do like to tease.

The fact that a Vanir and a Jotun rule Alfheim as a married couple means that as long as you are polite then whatever you are you shouldn’t have to hide your nature. If you are a Jotun, don't try to seduce any elves. The children will be adorable but probably shorter than you were hoping.

Dwarves may want to avoid large gatherings of elves and possibly wear dark glasses.

 **Helheim**

 _Food_

I’m told it’s very good although to the living it only tastes like ashes.

 _Weather_

Cold and misty. If you’re dead you won’t feel it. Helheim’s more unpleasant for its rare living guests than its inhabitants.

 _Accommodation_

If you’re there to stay then a room will be provided and will be comfortable. Those not there permanently don’t normally stay the night, but Hel is hospitable to all and will provide for you.

Visitors should beware of the dog on the way in. Also try not to disturb the graves. Their owners may actually be around to complain.


End file.
